Today is Day 23 of the Build a Better You Advent Calendar. Behind the little door is the solution to confusion: clarity.


Let’s get some order in the court!

“Nobody can give you wiser advice than yourself.” ~Cicero 

From the moment we wake up until the moment our head hits the pillow at night, we are making decisions.

You chose to read this blog post (and thank you for doing so!). You probably didn’t agonize over that choice. You just did it.

Other decisions, like taking a job in another city, are much much harder. Fear crops up. You start hearing your many parts clamoring with their feelings and opinions on this opportunity. They may even be arguing.

  • What if I take the job and I move but I hate it?
  • What if I take the job, and another job closer to home pops up, but now I’m stuck?
  • Do I really want to move away from my family and friends for this job?

Then another familiar “friend” crops up: confusion. That’s no surprise: you’re lost in a thick forest of thoughts, ideas, and emotions.

And to even further complicate things you might get the urge to ask your friends or co-workers or family what they think you should do!

Your thoughts are supposed to be your advisors. It’s time to rap your gavel! Order in the court!

After all, you are there too and you are the leader of you.

If I have Clarity inside of me, why am I so confused?

You will often hear me say that you always have Self energy. You were born with Self energy! And because we know Self by its qualities, you are Clarity.

“If I am Clarity, why do I feel so confused?”

Clarity is hard to find under all those clamoring parts of you that are not really listening to each other and making so much noise inside of you. How could you even hear Clarity?

Professor Pro & Dr. Con to the Rescue. Right?

Making a pro/con list is exactly what Professor Pro and Dr. Con want you to do.

These are two opposing parts of yourself that play at tug of war. Whoever thinks up the most things to put on their list wins.

This method can work. It helps if you are only deciding between two things. The more complex your choice, the less likely the pro/con list can help you.

The pro/con list also doesn’t clear the air so you can see the Clarity beneath all the cloud and din. To do that, your Self should call a meeting of your parts.

self clarityAt this meeting you want to take the time to hear from each of your parts. The only rule is: only one part can speak at a time. No interrupting.

Then, sitting in the seat of Self, listen with Calm, Curiosity, and nonjudgment to each part of you. You listen to each part individually until it says its finished or when you say, “is there more?” and it’s quiet inside.

Some people find it easier to write from their parts especially if it concerns a large decision. Writing down what you are hearing is a good support to regulate and stop the other parts from interrupting.

When all have had their turn, take a look for the middle ground between all the different ideas. Make list of the middle ground.

As you reflect on what you heard remember to stay in your calm center. Notice how you feel towards this middle ground, what new ideas feel clear to you…and feel like you? Notice how it gets quieter inside after you have done this listening.

Where there still seems to be fog this is where you might not have enough information. Ask your parts, “what would you need to know before you could make a decision?” Then, your mission is to go out and gather more information on what is missing.

Do you know the signs of having Clarity?

A help for yourself is to remember a time when you felt so sure and clear in a decision you made.

Visualize that decision and feel those feelings of clarity. They are real feelings. Notice if you have any of those feelings present with you as you reflect on the middle ground from the listening of your parts inside.

Where you notice this is where you are clear! This is what you know to be true for yourself. Feel the butterflies that might be flying around inside your stomach as you get closer to this clarity and the decision.

Using one form of Self energy brings in all forms of Self energy

To get to Clarity, you followed a specific process. You:

  • stopped
  • slowed down
  • connected inside with stillness

You tapped into your Self energy and creative intelligence.

That process connects you to your Self which is a creative intelligence. It includes your analytical thinking but that is just a part.

Don’t be surprised if a very clear decision comes to you “out of the blue” or after a good night’s sleep. It will seem to come about spontaneously. Give yourself the time and stillness for this to happen.

Image Credit

14.WhatSay.Hand.Self.SW.WDC.29nov05” by Flickr user Elvert Barnes is licensed under CC BY 2.0.