The theme for today’s Build a Better You Advent Calendar is not easily summed up in one word!


I’ve described the holidays as “stepping back into that emotional kettle called family.”

When life is easy, it’s easy to be calm, pleasant, and present.

When we are frustrated or stressed, and not really paying attention, some of our not-so-socially-acceptable parts start showing up in our interactions.

There’s something about family that triggers our more childish parts. If we’re not careful they can lead the show.

Remember: you get to choose which parts show up unless you get ambushed and it happens too fast! Then go out and take a walk or a cold shower or bite a lemon.

Choose to lead with your Adult Self and enjoy the holidays

Let’s use this holiday season as a time to begin to practice showing up as your adult Self. Choose to lead with your adult Self. What does that even mean?

Go inside find a part of your Self that is good at managing your life. The one who manages your life. Gets you to work on time pays your bills, takes care of children, runs meetings at work, earns a paycheck helps friends….you know what part I mean.

This is your adult Self part. Responsible, empathetic, and able to “play well” with others. Go inside and meet this part. Ask that part of you to help you show up this holiday with your adult self in the lead. Bring more calm than chaos and meet others with kindness.

Set your intention: I will show up this holiday with my family and close friends as an adult. I will be curious and interested in who I am as an adult in this family I have known my whole life and knows me mostly as a child.

Yes you will get triggered and feel emotional by what others might say or do but you have decided to experiment with how it would work if you stayed in Self qualities of Curiosity, Calm, Compassion and led with the adult part of you.

The 4 steps to showing up as your adult Self

Visualize your adult Self in some of your hardest to deal with interactions and see this adult Self making decisions to:

  1. Look past the annoying behaviors of others. See that usual behavior as a distraction or illusion. Behind it is a loving person.  Act as if the person is loving and good as you look past the illusion of their negative behaviors. Try these 4 statements.
  2. Love is a verb. So be it… decide to be loving, kind, considerate.
  3. Bring loving connection to your interactions.  Give better back. Watch yourself. How many times did you give better back?
  4. Own your own stuff that causes friction. My part is that I ……….  I am sorry that I acted in this way.

Listen to my podcast for even more tips about staying in your adult Self this season.