Hello everyone, and welcome back to the Therapy Spot! This week, I had a wonderful conversation with Stan Tatkin about the safety and security we need in relationships.
Dr. Stan Tatkin wears many hats: not only is he a clinician and an author, but he’s also the co-founder of the PACT Institute. Stan teaches at UCLA, maintains a private practice in Southern California, and leads PACT programs in the US and internationally. He wrote Wired for Dating, Wired for Love, and Your Brain on Love, and co-authored Love and War in Intimate Relationships.
In other words, Stan Tatkin is a relationship expert. Have you ever pulled away from your partner out of fear they might leave you? Or maybe what you really fear is your partner getting too close. Both of these situations arise from insecurity, which can seriously wreak havoc on your relationship.
If you’re going through something like this right now, never fear! Stan has a lot of powerful insights to share on how to foster a sense of security and safety with your partner. After all, we often forget that the word “partner” implies that the other person is on your side.
The Truth About Relationships
Since I began blogging and podcasting, I’ve talked a lot about relationships. Unfortunately for all of us, we don’t learn how to be in a relationship the way we learn to walk, talk, read, and write. Instead, we learn by jumping in, and more often than not we’re totally unprepared!
We discover the truth the hard way: relationships are difficult. Most of us want our relationships to be easy, but as Stan himself says, “There is no such thing as a low maintenance person up close.”
Luckily, security isn’t something you either have or you don’t. Whether you had it and lost it, or never had it to begin with, you can get to a place of security with your partner. If you’re interested in learning more about secure functioning in your relationship, I encourage you to visit Stan’s website. His ten commandments for relationships and his TEDx Talk are both excellent resources.